destiny; the pursuit

Hey Curvy Curlies! I pray 2019 is keeping you happy, whole and on the road to all things joyful. I will be spending this Monday of my life in service to myself and others and I am thrilled I have the opportunity to share some thoughts with you on a day we celebrate one of the greatest change agents the world has known, Martin Luther King, Jr.

In November of 2018, I began a transformational journey that has forever changed me. After two years of losses, severed relationships. work trauma, etc., I chose to do some heavy lifting and work on myself. I decided that I needed to create different opportunities. The greatest being love of self. Complete love of self - not the daily Instagram postings of encouragement, or the brief motivational pep talks, but the real stuff. The absolute belief in and honor of my authentic, beautiful, courageous, powerful self. I had been walking around touting “self care”, “self love”, ”body positivity”, but all the while not fully caring for, loving or accepting myself. I was settling for mediocrity. I was playing small. I had become complacent. I had convinced myself that greater was in my future, just not the very near one. My self talk was brutal; “you’re a fat ass” “you don’t deserve this title” “you will never”… Brutal, I tell ya, but I was evangelizing love and light to others. I was (and continue with) praying and meditating daily. I sporadically employed high frequency tools; burned sage, balanced my Chakras, crystals, the whole nine. I kept thinking, my heart and intentions are great, so where is the block? Why don't my results look like my dreams?  How can I be the pusher of self love when my own self worth was minimal? And, man listen, the vulnerability it takes to write a sentence acknowledging my own self esteem challenges is crazy powerful and prayerfully, motivational.

It’s amazing how people can be drawn to and see our true power, even when we’re operating in image. Even when our vocabulary is sophisticated enough to send the right message, but our hidden lives are in shambles. That’s why our tribe language matters, as do the voices of angels sent to push us to greatness. Our tribe reflects our vibe, but there comes a time when somebody in the tribe has to climb to the top of the rock to get perspective. Perspective about where we’ve been as tribe, where we are as tribe, and where we’re going as tribe. And check this out, er’body ain’t gon’ want to hear, see or explore the past or the future. Some of our tribe will fiercely defend being ok in the village of “now”. Now is comfortable. Now took a minute to create. Now was a stretch from “then” so what the heck is the problem with now? The issue with now is, its a combination of our stories of disappointment, failed attempts, heartbreak, abandonment, trauma. We rehearse those stories so much they become the lens to how we view everything. Those stories become our boxes of comfort. So that’s what “now” is, it’s our comfort zone. I know there’s a lot of talk about living in the moment and being present. I wholeheartedly embrace these ideas, however, we get to create new moments to be present in. We get to set an intention for a future of “when” (win). A future of greater.

I recently completed a ropes course full of poles to climb and planks to walk across. Utterly terrifying. I kept looking up at one of the wires and thinking there was no earthly way I could even reach it, let alone, stand and walk across it. But you know what? I climbed up to the wire - a tremendous feat in itself and it took me more than one attempt, but I did it and I stood on that freaking wire! With a broken toe, to boot! I moved across it until I could grab the rope dangling in front of me. My team tells me I slipped off the wire and pulled myself back up to a standing position, I have no recollection of this because I was focused on getting beyond the now to the greater! You feel me? I lived in each powerful moment of now, but I continued creating more powerful moments of greater. We all get to do that. We get to be present in every magical moment we create and push to creating greater.

During this process, one of the single most transforming pieces of feedback I received was “my experience of you is you’re a fraud”. Harsh, huh? Pissed me off! But man, listen, it changed my life. It let me know at least one person in the world cared enough about me to push me out of ego. They cared enough about me to challenge my image and make me face my self sabotaging bs.  It worked. Let me be clear, this is not an invitation to go around cutting people with words under the guise of “feedback”, but it is an invitation to self discovery and transformation.

You cannot be passive with your destiny - your future of greater. Dream it. Create it. Pursue it. With vigor and intent.

Faith requires movement. ❤️